far

Poetry

vigil

Charlotte Poitras  
issue three

---

you lie still  

eyes shut  

your body collapsed  

 to  

 stillness  

and I  

(hold my breath)  

as if silence might steal you away  

I’ve searched for you  

through seconds that stretched  

into finite eternities  

but I must not wake you  

no one can always be awake  

no one lives without resting  

we lie them down  

in costly satin beds  

close their eyes  

as if they’ve seen too much  

as if emptiness in a gaze  

must be dressed  

no one wants to meet  

grandmother’s pupils staring nowhere  

we hope their souls  

are still dreaming  

somewhere  

“why didn’t you stop the fainting?”  

as if I could  

but it felt  

like falling asleep  

peacefully  

while my body  

thrashed and reached for air  

convulsing  

I was drifting  

painlessly  

into dream  

isn’t that what we wish for?  

a death unnoticed  

like sleep  

you can’t fear  

what you’ll never witness  

you won’t mourn your own absence  

but I  

will feel the ache  

of holding your stillness  

cold as I remember it  

with your sisters  

one look back  

as I left the room  

I tucked them in  

I wish for  

cremation  

“dust you are  

and to dust  

you shall  

return”  

and now,  

each time you sleep  

I watch  

afraid you might not return  

I count your breaths  

one rise  

 one fall  

my hand reaches  

your skin withdraws  

you’re here  

still  

and so I stay awake  

in case  

you wake up  

to find me gone

---

Disclaimer: A more accurate version of this piece’s layout appears in the print edition.